Cole handled his first long car trip very well, and I guess I shouldn't be surprised. He is a wonderfully mellow and happy little guy. Most days he wakes up with a smile. How many adults do that? No matter how completely exhausted I might be, I can't help but return the smile. It instantly warms my heart. There are times when I start to get so bogged down in the daily grind, but the innocence and pure joy of Cole's smile reminds me of the true priorities. Not that I don't still have to pay the electric bill, do the laundry, layout a 12-page booklet, complete my quarterly tax reports, price airfare, cook dinner, and for heaven's sake, do something about my abdominals...but one smile gives me the energy to take on the day and tells me why I'm doing all of this in the first place. And at the end of the day, I always hold him a little longer than I need to get him to sleep, and I memorize his sweet baby angel face before I place him in his crib.
Everything has changed these six months. My sense of self, time, priorities, relationships,and the world have been drastically altered. My morning routine is stripped down to the singular action of brushing my teeth...ocassionally, I'll comb my hair. On a really good day, I'll shower before Tony gets home from work, but I've only done that a handful of times. My wardrobe is equally utilitarian, but I'm gradually becoming more inspired as I reclaim my body.
My time is broken up into 3 hour intervals--Cole's feeding schedule. He's so consistent you could set your watch by him. And while I may not know the date but I can tell you how many weeks old Cole is at any given time. The past 6 months have gone by so quickly and yet they are very clearly etched into my memory. Never in my life have I experienced a period of time when there have been so many significant moments. I don't want to forget a single one.
I struggled with my new priorities at first. My business had always been at the top of the list during the work week, and the first time I tackled a deadline and a crying baby at the same time was a defining moment for me. Initially I tried to do both at once, but then realized I wasn't doing either particularly well. Truthfully, I was doing a really crappy job at both. Once I got honest, it was clear. Cole needed me and that was more important than anything.
My relationships have changed as friends and family have gotten to see me in my new role. At times this is frustrating when I've felt like I've been unfairly criticized or still treated like a child. And at other times it's been so much fun. A favorite moment was introducing Cole to my youngest cousin Kevin who is a senior in high school. I babysat him and his older brother Bobby for years, and I remember both of them when they were Cole's age. Kevin quietly took it all in and intently watched Cole during Easter. He didn't want to hold him, but he couldn't take his eyes off him. I think we both realized how much we've grown up.
Tony and I rarely have much time for each other, but we make the most of the minutes, or seconds, we can manage. We're lucky if we even go to bed at the same time. Affection is now expressed with mundane domestic chores--cooking a favorite meal, vacuuming, or filling up the car with gas--proving it's no so much the gesture as the thought behind it.
Cole, my sweet baby boy, happy half-birthday. You've changed everything.
Cole caught my cold and found himself at the pediatrician's on Wednesday. He's recovering much more quickly than I did, but it's always so hard to see him sick. While I'm excited and entertained by his frequent baby babble, I'm glad he can't cry "Mommy" while I'm pulling the snot out of his little nose with the mean bulb aspirator. I'm also thankful that he cries so hard his eyes are closed while I'm doing the dirty work, so at least I can pretend that he doesn't know that I'm the awful person who is torturing him. I can scoop him up when I'm done to soothe him and save him from the evil nose-sucking lady.
I've added some new photos to the last couple posts...as requested by a certain Hawaiian auntie. And here's one more...BONUS BEAN...my attempt at a hand-colored effect. Cole had just eaten his favorite food so far... sweet potatoes.