drawings

We busted out the crayolas a few weeks ago to see if Cole was ready. The test would be how long would it take before he put one in his mouth. We were shocked and amazed that he waited a whole 20 minutes before biting the tip off the black one. Of course it had to be the black one. I had to pull out the funny infant finger toothbrush to undo that damage.

Once a day now, we take out the crayons and Cole's own sketchbook (with extra heavy paper) and we draw together. It's the most drawing I've done in more than a few years. I've learned it's best to offer Cole 3 crayons and hide the rest. With 3, he has one for each hand, and there's always one left for me. Sometimes he uses them as drumsticks and hits the paper. Other days he attacks the paper with a stabbing motion creating a sheet of freckles. I don't know if he realizes that he is making marks yet, but we're both having fun with art class.

one year photo shoot

I got the idea for Cole's one year photo shoot from an episode of Oprah a couple years ago. It was a show about quirky family traditions and the special bonds that they can create. One mother photographs her children on their birthdays each year dressed in the same outfit. Her daughter wears her grandmother's Pucci dress, and her son wears one of his father's dress shirts. Now that the kids are older they really enjoy the photo shoot with their mom and they all have fun looking back at the earlier photos.

For Cole, I chose one of Tony's dress shirts and ties and also his Brett Favre jersey. I couldn't decided so I used both. It was tricky keeping the sleeves rolled up so I had to work fast, but I got a couple shots that I really love. These will definitely be framed.

Oh, another cool idea from that same episode came from a father. He has a special handshake with his kids before they leave for school. Each kid has their own handshake and they've become more and more complicated over the years. The handshakes were really funny, and I still smile just thinking about them.

Good ol' Colie Brown

Cole was a natural Charlie Brown. At his recent check-up, his height and weight were pretty average, but his noggin remains around 85th percentile. Tony wanted to shave his head to complete his Halloween costume, but I don't think Cole would've cooperated even if I had let his daddy take out the shears. It was a great costume because it was cheap to make, and with the unseasonably warm temps, it was very comfortable for Cole to wear...oh, and did I mention cute...

The trademark shirt was harder to make than I had expected. I had to cut down a child's size small and re-hem it which meant hauling out the sewing machine from the overstuffed closet. Then the fabric paint I had bought turned out to be liquid dye which bled like ink, making it impossible to paint a sharp line. Of course it was midnight on Friday when I discovered this and we had a costume party to go to the next day. So, I searched through my art supplies and ended up mixing the black dye with acrylic burnt umber. It was no small trick to paint both sides without allowing one side to dry first either. In the morning, the results looked pretty good but the fabric was stiff and scratchy from the acrylic paint. I set the paint by running the shirt through the dryer on high and then crossed my fingers as I put it in the washer on the gentle cycle. My hope was that it would soften the fabric, but I knew there was a good chance it could wash out the paint completely. Luckily, it did soften the fabric and the black stripe survived. Next year I'll definitely start the costume construction earlier!

We spent Halloween Day with Elaine, Mark and Nina while Tony was at the Redskins vs. the Packers game. At night we visited a couple neighbors, but Cole cried when they opened their doors. It worked out okay because he got lots of sympathy candy, but we only stopped at four doors because he wasn't having fun. He's been eating the Halloween pretzels, but Tony and I are splitting the rest of the booty. Next year when Cole can talk, I'm sure he won't be as willing to share.

a year and a few days

Dear Cole,

Happy birthday to my sweet baby boy! Never in my life has so much happened in one year. It is a pleasure to spend each day with you as you grow and explore. I am sorry that I have been very tired on some days,and I thank you for the energy that you bring to each morning because you power us both sometimes. And I'm grateful to you for the naps because you've encouraged me to rest too, and that's something that doesn't come easily to me. You remind me that life can be simple, and that good things happen if we just eat when we're hungry, sleep when we're tired, smile when we're happy, and cry when we're sad.

In the past year, not a day has gone by when I haven't said the word poop. That might sound funny or gross to some, but other parents will just smile and nod. Someday I hope you'll understand the humor in that statement. There have been some tough times this year, and all three of us have proven that we're stronger than we thought. When we both had the flu last Christmas, I had to take your temperature in that most unpleasant way, and worse yet, hold you as the nurses poked you with needles while searching for a vein. Your dad was so sad to see us both sick and to spend the holiday in the hospital, but you recovered quickly and cheered us up.

I love sharing your discoveries and "firsts." Your first laugh was as clear as a bell and brought beaming smiles to me and your dad. Your laughter is still the most beautiful sound in the whole word to us, and we'll do pratfalls all day long just to hear you giggle. Today you've decided to add high pitched squealsto your giggles and I love that you obviously have your own sense of humor.

Your smiles are just as magical, and while I miss your gummy grin, I'm now just as in love with your 6-toothed smile. You have a new smile when you are running. You throw your head back and run with your mouth open and that's my current favorite smile.

You've also finally learned to nod "yes" after months of the "no, no" shake. Your "yes" is an exaggerated nod and you usually do it while walking. It appears you're having a very animated conversation with yourself. And while you're not saying real words yet, you do make a sound like "essss." You also say something that sounds like "what's this?" and "this" while pointing.

You play games that no one has taught you, games you've made up on your own. Our favorite is "where's Cole?". You "hide" behind me waiting for me to call for you. Sometimes you run around and laugh, other times you hug my back and squeal.

You are generous with your laughter and smiles and you make everyone around you happier. You are my joy and I love you very much.

Happy Birthday,
Maba

Gymboree coincidence

Today I checked out the local Gymboree as I was scouting locations for Cole's birthday party. Our apartment will barely hold the family members invited and there would be no room at all for Cole's baby buddies, so I was investigating other options. As soon as I walked into Gymboree Cole wanted to climb into the gym area and it was no easy task to hold him back. He was that intrigued by the brightly colored gym mats. I knew I had found the place.

It got better. The clerk who helped me recognized my address. She had rented the very same apartment a few years ago. We chatted about the quirks and charm of the place and the challenges of apartment living with toddlers. She was so kind and helpful that by the time I had left I had booked the party and signed Cole up for a class, but with the benefit of multiple discounts and many of the usual sign-up fees were waived.

The class will be great for Cole because it will be a chance for him to roam in some wide-open, padded space. I noticed that he was walking and crawling much faster while we were in NJ because he had more room to explore. I wish we had more to offer him at home, but this should help until we move into a house in the spring.

the big tub

Today I took Cole for a Baby & Me class at the rec center pool. Cole has always loved bath time, so I felt pretty confident that he would like the big tub. It's a good thing I was right because this was the first of eight sessions, and it could've been a long 2 months.

The pool is set up kind of like a beach. No stairs or ladder, just a slope so you can slowly walk into the water. Cole started kicking and splashing as soon as he felt the water reach his feet. We sang songs as we moved the kids through the water and Cole enjoyed the half-hour class. When I laid him on his back and supported him he just lounged and smiled. The only time he was uneasy was when I had trouble repositioning him and he got some water in his nose. He was quickly consoled and ready to play again almost immediately.

The tough part for me was being in 4 1/2 feet deep water which only leaves a bit of my shoulders above the water. It meant I was holding Cole at my face level which is why I goofed and got his face wet at one point. The taller moms had a much easier time. The next challenge was changing Cole out of his swim gear, drying him off, dressing him in a dry diaper and clothes while I'm still dripping wet. It took me so long that I was able to drip dry and then I kept one hand on him while he was laying on the towel-covered bench while I pulled my pants on over my swimsuit. I waited until I got to the car and had him settled in his carseat before I ran a comb through my hair. One good thing about having such a cute kid is that I can look like a total trainwreck and no one will notice.

Boardwalk

For the Labor Day weekend we headed north for a friend's wedding in NYC and to visit family in NJ. To beat traffic, we drove home on Sunday but along the way we stopped at Pt. Pleasant for Cole's introduction to the Boardwalk. We hadn't been to Pt. Pleasant in at least 2 years and I've really missed it. As a kid, I spent nearly every summer weekend at the beach and 2 full weeks in August, and sometimes I just need to smell the salt in the air. Oh and when that salt air mixes with the aroma of the cheesesteaks, pizza, zeppoles, fresh cut fries, fudge and taffy it's magical. Food aside, Pt. Pleasant is one of my favorite places ever.

The main reason I was hell-bent on making the stop at the boardwalk though was my MRI scan last year. Ever since, I have been looking forward to taking Cole to the boardwalk as a way of healing that difficult time. When I was in the MRI tube, I couldn't help but think of the what ifs. The whole reason for the test was to rule out the scarier options like a stroke or brain tumor. But I told myself that it didn't matter because nothing was going to keep me from bringing my little boy to the Boardwalk for his first trip on the same train I used to ride with my great grandfather.

We rode the train, and Tony took Cole on the carousel, and it was so much fun. I heard all the sounds of the MRI machine again but this time with a full beaming smile on my face.

good news!!!

Our friends Dan and Kerry and their son Ryan are finally home! Ryan William Corriveau (7 lbs. 6 oz.) was born July 10th at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP). Ryan has a rare heart defect (HLHS) that was diagnosed before he was even born. He has undergone the first of three surgeries to repair his heart and his journey home has been delayed by infections and other complications. Dan and Kerry have been amazing keeping all of us updated through email and digital photos during their stay at CHOP, and I cannot tell you how relieved I was to receive the news tonight that Ryan is now at home.

Sadly, I have several friends and friends of friends with children who have serious health conditions. All of them inspire me with their strength and ability to celebrate the joy in their lives instead of dwelling on the difficult days.

10 months

Tomorrow Cole will be 10 months old and yesterday he took his first steps. He's been practicing standing unsupported. He'll stand next to the sofa holding on, and every so often he'll through his arms up in the air and see how long he can stand. When he's excited he'll flap his arms in the air as if to fly which is very cute but it doesn't help his balance at all.

Cole has taken one step a few times before but he always fell right away so we didn't count it. But yesterday, he took 3 steps towards me to pull his hat off my head when we were playing. The best part was that both Tony and I were there to see the whole thing. I guess we'll have to buy him some shoes before our next trip to NJ, but for now he's a happy barefoot, 5-tooth toddler.

quick pic from the last playdate

9 months and then some

Cole's tooth count as of today is 5! He looks more like a little boy, instead of a baby, every day. I never expected the time to pass so quickly. He's cruising along the sofa and his baby gate, and looks as though he will take his first unaided step at any moment. He's also enjoying his new chompers, crunching on Cheerios, Gerber puffs and wagon wheels, his crib rail, his pacifier, and if we let him...Kitty's tail.

We had a fun playdate 7/25 with Elaine and Nina. Cole and Nina interact a lot more than they used to, and they chased each other around the room. In almost all of my photos, either Cole or Nina is blurry because they were constantly in motion...except during snack time, so I've got lots of pics of them stuffing their faces.

transformation

I'm a fan of Robert Fulghum, and I remember reading in one of his books that a sign that you are officially an adult is when you have to complete gross, undesirable chores like cleaning out the drain of the kitchen sink or scrubbing the toilet. You are a grown up when you can do these things without wincing.

Being a mom requires far worse jobs than these, and I'm not just talking about diapers, although those definitely qualify. I can think of 2 occasions in these last 9 months when I was aware that I was doing something that I wouldn't have done in the B.C. (before Cole) days.

First was the flu in December. I was more aggressive seeking medical attention for Cole than I had ever been in my life. I not only took his rectal temp, I held him down while the nurses searched for a vein under his beautiful baby blubber, convinced that my firm touch would be more gentle than that of the nurse. I breastfed him in the ER with absolutely no regard for anyone else being in the room. He needed me and no one would stop me from helping him in any way that I could.

Second was a recent diaper that cleared the ladies' bathroom at IKEA. We were nearing the check out when Tony told me he thought Cole needed a diaper change. As I pushed him in his stroller towards the bathroom I smelled this horrible sulfurous odor. I picked him up and he began to wail. His diaper had leaked and poop had stained the front and back of his outfit. I opened his diaper to find neon poop spilling out of the diaper and entrenched in every crevice. Another mom was waiting her turn for the changing table, but after one look at Cole she left to find another restroom. It took over a dozen wipes and 2 diapers, but I cleaned him up as quickly as I could. Then, I scooped him up in my arms to comfort him. In the process, I knowingly marked my own shirt with the same smelly poop that was still on his clothing, but I couldn't have cared less. It was the mark of motherhood.

catch up

Cole met his cousin Kody earlier this month when visited Gram for a week. At first they seemed oblivious to each other, but by the second day Cole was entranced by the new baby. He would immediately crawl over to Kody's infant seat so he could touch him, and poke him, and rock him, and grab his feet...

Cole took his first dip in a pool...more like a puddle, considering how little water we put in the inflatable pool. He enjoyed it as if it were just another bath, but the fun ended when he crawled over the side to escape.

On Sunday Cole tried out the infant swings at the park. He loved being suspended in the air, but he stared down at the ground most of the time just to make sure it was still there.

In other news, the baby boom continues as Ryan William Corriveau (7 lbs. 6 oz.) was born to our friends Dan and Kerry on Saturday. Ryan has a rare heart defect (HLHS) that was diagnosed before he was even born. Today he had his first of the 3 surgeries he will need before he is a year old. The next 48 hours are crucial, so any and all prayers and positive thoughts are greatly appreciated.

8 months old

At 8 months old, Cole at 2 teeth, can crawl, sit up fairly well, and is now working on pulling himself up to standing. He makes it to his knees easily, but only gets to his feet a few times a day.

Saturday Cole met Rachel from Rochester for the first time when our friends the Gills stopped in while on their way to a family reunion in North Carolina. It was the first time Cole played with a baby the same size, and they got along great...although both were very tired at the time.

Also on Saturday, Daniel Bane Nesbit, 8 lbs. 1 oz, was born the night before at 5:30pm. Bane is the beautiful "long awaited child" of Cole's godparents, Glen and Annie. We visited the trio and met our godchild briefly last night.

This afternoon Cole tried Cheerios for the first time. Initially he felt they were too fun to eat. He'd just pass one from one hand to the other, examining it so carefully. He treated his precious Cheerio as if it were his own tiny pet. Which is not to say he didn't attempt to put it in his mouth, but that took several tries. His dexterity would suddenly fail as he made the move towards his mouth and he'd drop it. Then, I would put a brand new Cheerio on his tray and he'd start all over again. First the examination, then the passing and petting, then the mouth...and then...oh no, dropped it again. Eventually he managed to taste it while still holding it and putting his hand in his mouth.

Tonight we tried again, and the process went more quickly and he even ate a few. There was some initial gagging and some hilarious faces, but in the end he decided he likes his new edible pets.

Welcome Kody!

Please welcome to the world my nephew, Kody Shannon Morizzo, born 6/8/04 at 9:36 pm. Congratulations to my sister Tara and her fiance Jeff! Cole can't wait to meet his new playmate and his first cousin.

In other news, we just returned from Cole's first trip to WI. He tolerated the flights pretty well, but I've learned that the morning flight on the way there worked a lot better than the mid-afternoon flight on the way back. It was easier to feed him and help him sleep in the morning. Cole also handled his "popularity" gracefully, although when he had had enough, he would give me a clear signal. Just a few days before we left, Cole learned to crawl and he got his first 2 teeth simultaneously. It's been a busy couple of weeks. Hi crawling skills/speed are developing quickly, and as I look around our apartment, I don't know what I'm going to do when it comes to child proofing. There's just not enough space to do much rearranging. I need to get rid of some more things and fill up boxes for Goodwill.

7 months and then some

My memory is getting fuzzy and I really need to post more often. I'm not going to fall victim to blog/neglect/guilt. I just wished I posted more often because I want this to be a record of every amazing moment since I saw those 2 pink lines. When Cole was born, I couldn't help myself from staring at him, completely enchanted by his sweet baby face. I swore I'd remember every moment with him from then on... but now I can't even recall if I've brushed my teeth in the morning. I need to write more, so I can remember more, and so someday, I'll have more stories to share with Cole.

During this past month, Cole has learned to get up on all fours, and just in the last two days, he has begun to make some forward progress. His movement more closely resembles "The Worm" than crawling, but it gets him where he wants to go. Until now he moved around by rolling, but he lacked control and I think he would also get dizzy after awhile, so he rarely reached his destination. Now he can move with more purpose, and that means there's going to be some serious rearranging and child-proofing going on. Look out Kitty, here comes Cole!

Cole's diet now includes sweet potatoes, peas, carrots, green beans, squash, applesauce, pears, bananas, rice cereal, oatmeal, apple juice, white grape juice, and pear juice. He's still nursing too, but not as often as he used to. He's also doing really well with a sippy cup, although I have to help him hold it sometimes because he gets the angle wrong. He'll hold it so he's only getting air and it makes a funny piggy sound...which is usually followed by Cole burping from drinking air. He's a great noisemaker. Which reminds me...his "raspberries" are really loud and wet now. Sometimes he even sticks out his tongue while making his noises. He's particularly fond of these noises while or after eating. I like to think it's a compliment in his language.

clap your hands!

Cole's got some new tricks. Two weeks ago he learned to clap his hands and to "make raspberries" and other cool sounds while spitting...basically he's transformed from the teething puppy to a well-trained orangutan. As entertaining as his new skills are to us, Cole finds them infinitely amusing. Now that he's got clapping figured out, we've been working on a James Brown routine...clap your hands-uh....and stomp your feet-uh... Gram will be very disappointed in me if Cole masters this before "how big is Cole? so big!".

He's chattering like crazy, but not anything that resembles English yet, although we're having a lot of fun "translating." I swear he told me a joke the other day. He looked at me very seriously, rattled off a few sentences of babble, paused, and then cracked up. I don't know what the punchline was but it was obviously killer material.

Last week, he became obsessed with getting up on all fours. He's doing very well, but he can't maintain the balance for very long. He crosses and locks his ankles once he's up and while that helps with the balance, then he can't move at all. Frustrated, he collapses forward, rolls over and starts the process all over again.

6 months

Cole handled his first long car trip very well, and I guess I shouldn't be surprised. He is a wonderfully mellow and happy little guy. Most days he wakes up with a smile. How many adults do that? No matter how completely exhausted I might be, I can't help but return the smile. It instantly warms my heart. There are times when I start to get so bogged down in the daily grind, but the innocence and pure joy of Cole's smile reminds me of the true priorities. Not that I don't still have to pay the electric bill, do the laundry, layout a 12-page booklet, complete my quarterly tax reports, price airfare, cook dinner, and for heaven's sake, do something about my abdominals...but one smile gives me the energy to take on the day and tells me why I'm doing all of this in the first place. And at the end of the day, I always hold him a little longer than I need to get him to sleep, and I memorize his sweet baby angel face before I place him in his crib.

Everything has changed these six months. My sense of self, time, priorities, relationships,and the world have been drastically altered. My morning routine is stripped down to the singular action of brushing my teeth...ocassionally, I'll comb my hair. On a really good day, I'll shower before Tony gets home from work, but I've only done that a handful of times. My wardrobe is equally utilitarian, but I'm gradually becoming more inspired as I reclaim my body.

My time is broken up into 3 hour intervals--Cole's feeding schedule. He's so consistent you could set your watch by him. And while I may not know the date but I can tell you how many weeks old Cole is at any given time. The past 6 months have gone by so quickly and yet they are very clearly etched into my memory. Never in my life have I experienced a period of time when there have been so many significant moments. I don't want to forget a single one.

I struggled with my new priorities at first. My business had always been at the top of the list during the work week, and the first time I tackled a deadline and a crying baby at the same time was a defining moment for me. Initially I tried to do both at once, but then realized I wasn't doing either particularly well. Truthfully, I was doing a really crappy job at both. Once I got honest, it was clear. Cole needed me and that was more important than anything.

My relationships have changed as friends and family have gotten to see me in my new role. At times this is frustrating when I've felt like I've been unfairly criticized or still treated like a child. And at other times it's been so much fun. A favorite moment was introducing Cole to my youngest cousin Kevin who is a senior in high school. I babysat him and his older brother Bobby for years, and I remember both of them when they were Cole's age. Kevin quietly took it all in and intently watched Cole during Easter. He didn't want to hold him, but he couldn't take his eyes off him. I think we both realized how much we've grown up.

Tony and I rarely have much time for each other, but we make the most of the minutes, or seconds, we can manage. We're lucky if we even go to bed at the same time. Affection is now expressed with mundane domestic chores--cooking a favorite meal, vacuuming, or filling up the car with gas--proving it's no so much the gesture as the thought behind it.

Cole, my sweet baby boy, happy half-birthday. You've changed everything.

happy easter!

Cole caught my cold and found himself at the pediatrician's on Wednesday. He's recovering much more quickly than I did, but it's always so hard to see him sick. While I'm excited and entertained by his frequent baby babble, I'm glad he can't cry "Mommy" while I'm pulling the snot out of his little nose with the mean bulb aspirator. I'm also thankful that he cries so hard his eyes are closed while I'm doing the dirty work, so at least I can pretend that he doesn't know that I'm the awful person who is torturing him. I can scoop him up when I'm done to soothe him and save him from the evil nose-sucking lady.

He's nearly fully recovered, and we're getting ready for our trip to NJ. I don't like minivans at all, but I'm beginning to understand they're usefulness. Packing the car will be quite a task. Cole's big boy car seat now dominates the back seat. And because the new car seat doesn't have any sort of canopy, I put up glare protector film (dark brown saran wrap) on the side windows and a huge glare screen across the rear window, creating perpetual night in the backseat. No sunburns and squinty eyes for Bean...but he's gonna be one pale baby.

Safe travels to all you hitting the roads (and sky) this weekend!

as requested...

I've added some new photos to the last couple posts...as requested by a certain Hawaiian auntie. And here's one more...BONUS BEAN...my attempt at a hand-colored effect. Cole had just eaten his favorite food so far... sweet potatoes.

We'll be making our first long trip with Cole this weekend as we head to NJ for Easter. It will no doubt be an adventure for all of us and Cole will be greeted by many new faces. Figuring out what to pack will be my first challenge.

more furniture

This weekend I decided it was time to buy Cole's highchair. I've been feeding him in his bouncer and as he has gotten more enthusiastic about his solid feedings, the process has gotten messier. Plus, I've been trying to brace the bouncer with my legs to subdue his excited kicking and I've got some nasty bruises from the last few weeks. Picture if you can, me sitting on the floor, legs wrapped around the bouncer, one hand wrestling with his arms while my other hand holds the spoon. His food placed on the floor next to me along with a burp cloth and washcloth. It was time for the highchair.

Cole likes his new higher perspective, and I like that I can put a toy with a suction cup base on the tray to occupy his arms while I feed his little face. New this week--baby oatmeal.

5 months old

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Today Cole had a special photo shoot to commemorate the holiday and his 5-month birthday. This is Cole's first month without a check up, so there's no update on his height and weight this time...but his growth is obvious! I struggle to squeeze him into his carseat now, especially if he's wearing a few layers. We'll be installing the bigger carseats in our cars this weekend. It should be easier than when I installed his current car seat since I was nearly 9 months pregnant at the time. At least now I'll fit in the back seat.

This week, Cole's eating green beans and it looks like I've got a good veggie-eater on our hands. Although I've yet to find something Cole won't eat. At last week's yoga class, I asked the other moms if they've started solids with their babies, and no one else had. I was surprised because Cole is one of the youngest in the class. One mom said that she's worried about starting solids because she's not ready to stop nursing her daughter. It made sound strange to some, and even selfish, but I can totally understand how she's feeling. As difficult as it was in the beginning, I'm so glad I've been able to breastfeed Cole, and it's difficult to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it, but I'll try. Initially, I enjoyed it because I was amazed by my body's ability to feed and to soothe Cole. I loved being able to comfort him and his drunken little smile when he was full. Now, I appreciate the convenience of nursing, but it's the coziness and the forced time-out (for me, not Cole) that I'll miss most when the time comes to wean. Of course, starting solids doesn't mean weaning, but it is an important step. I'm just glad that Cole is transitioning very well.

Cole rolls over all the time now, sometimes more than he wants to. It's almost as if he's forgotten that he can lie on his back. As soon as you put him on the floor or in his crib he rolls over. If he's not tired, then he's happy and he'll hold his head up and smile. But if he's too tired, then he cries into the floor or mattress until you flip him back over. He's beginning to understand that he can lie on his belly and turn his head to the side but when he's tired, he's beyond all reason. Hopefully, he'll figure out how to roll back onto his back soon.

Only 3 weeks left of yoga class, but I plan to take Cole out for more walks and play dates with Nina as the weather gets warmer. Last week we had lunch with Elaine and Nina which was a lot of fun for all of us. It's neat to see how the babies interact with each other and what they notice. In the beginning they were oblivious to one another, but now they're becoming more interested and curious. Cole even tried to put Nina's foot in his mouth, but baby girl gave him a look and grabbed her own foot and pulled it away. There are photos from the playdate, Nina's baptism, and Cole's official 5 month photo shoot here.

field trip

This was unveiled last fall, and I think it would be a lot of fun to take Cole to see it once spring has sprung. As the days get longer and temps climb, I'm getting antsy to spend some time outside. Last week, Cole and I did some laps around the apartment complex. I got a decent workout and Cole got a great nap. I can't wait to log some more miles on the stroller.

4 months plus

Cole is nearly 5 months old, but I'm just now posting his 4 month check up results. Cole is continuing along his self-made growth curve and his measurements were 17 lbs. 11 oz. and 25 1/8" tall. I've added a link to his 4 month photo album in the side bar.

It's been an eventful couple of weeks. Cole rolled over for the first time 2/23. He looked over at me, smiled, and then let out a huge burp. I don't know if the smile was in response to the fact that he had figured out how to roll over or if it was the relief from the gas bubble. I know my smile was due to both.

On 2/26, Cole discovered his feet. I never really understood the whole "Has he found his hands yet?" thing. It seemed to me like he was always aware of his hands even if he wasn't very coordinated in the beginning, but when he found his feet it was a noticeable event. While I was changing his diaper he was doing his usual leg lifts when he reached for and then grabbed on to his feet for the first time. He was so excited. So now his new combo move is to grab is feet and rock from side to side.

Cole has begun to eat solid, well semi-solid, food. For 2 weeks he taste tested rice cereal once a day. Last week we added a second feeding of solids and introduced carrots. While he prefers the cereal over the carrots, he will eat either. Cole lets me know when he is full by keeping his mouth closed--an effective signal. This week's menu is sweet potatoes.

Cole is enjoying his bath time more and more which means I keep getting wetter. What had started out as a little kicking in the water has turned into all out splashing. Bath time requires a lot more towels than it used to.

Cole laughs a lot now and it is absolutely my favorite sound ever. NOTHING beats it. Tony and I have been transformed into clowns, doing ANYTHING we can to amuse Cole just to hear him giggle. I get my exercise doing "baby lifts" and he's also fond of "baby squats"--pretty much any vertical movement cracks him up. If only I could figure out a way for sit ups to be funny, then maybe I'd actually get my middle back in shape.

i am so tired BUT

I could title every entry this way from now on. The most important word in that phrase is "BUT." I am tired, and my life is dramatically different, BUT the many roles I play besides mom must go on, and in reality, very few people really care that much if I'm tired, and it's not all that important. Ok, I know there are some people will take offense to that, and I don't mean it in a harsh or whiny way, so please don't add a false tone to that statement.

When I was still dealing with the palsy I was under the care of a great neurologist, one of the nicest doctors I've ever met. As I was leaving his office after he had stuck needles in my face to test nerves and muscles, we were talking about our plans for Thanksgiving. I told him about Cole's christening that was coming up and the celebration I had planned. Then he shared that his family was going to spend the holiday with close friends, one of whom was dying. I told him I was sorry to hear about his friend and how hard that must be to cope with especially during the holiday season, and he responded with calm and warmth, "This is life. Babies are baptized, people die, and life must go on." Such a simple statement, but I'm certain it's a way of looking at life that's been shaped by treating people with far more serious afflictions than Bell's palsy.

Life must go on. My lack of sleep means nothing to my clients or the IRS or telemarketers or to other drivers on the road. Work has to get done, the bills paid, the laundry washed, and the plants watered. I've come to realize that freshman year of college prepared me best for motherhood. Late nights in the computer lab are now late nights in my office. I learned to stretch my wardrobe in ways to minimize my laundry. Working on multiple projects prepared me for the many jobs I now juggle at once. Entertaining Cole on a daily basis requires as much creativity as any drawing assignment. There is one crucial difference though ... I'm now doing all of this without the benefit of caffeine.

I have much more to post. Cole continues to amaze me and is growing and changing right before my eyes. Cole's namesake, my freshman drawing professor taught me to appreciate the simple beauty of line, and I've recently picked up the old ebony pencil and sketchbook, and I want to post the results. I have so much more to share, but now it's finally time to sleep.

required reading

Christmas 1999 my mom gave me a book-a-day calendar. Each day offered a short review/description of a book. I have no idea how the selections were made because the calendar covered a large variety of topics and included recent publications and classics. Throughout the year I tucked away in a drawer the books that sounded most interesting either for me to read or to buy as a gift for friends. By November, I had most of my Christmas shopping done with the help of this handy little calendar.

For my friend Linda who was expecting her first child in December 2000, I bought Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year. At the time I didn't know if she was having a boy or girl, but based on the book's review, I thought she would enjoy it either way. As it turned out she did have a beautiful baby boy. I don't know if she enjoyed the book or ever even found time to read it...especially now that she has 2 boys!

When I found out I was going to have a boy, I remembered this book and picked up a copy, and I just finished it Saturday night. Needless to say, I don't have much time to read for pleasure. I had dusted off my paperback to bring along to a doctor's appointment last month. It was the first time ever that I enjoyed spending over an hour in the waiting room. Slowly I began to remember what it felt like to have totally "free time"...not "Cole's napping I've got 5 free minutes so what can I accomplish time"...but completely, utterly "free time." It was nice.

Saturday night after Cole fell asleep instead of going back to my office to work, I reached for my book and while I was tired, reading was more renewing than sleep. I finished the book and when my head hit the pillow I fell into a deep sleep almost instantly because I was so much more relaxed.

The book by the way is fantastic. It is the most honest text I have ever read. The author doesn't gloss over the ugly parts nor does she run away from sentimentality...she teeters in between and that's real life. You can bet I'll be buying more copies for pregnant friends in the future, and I'll be sure to give it to them before the baby is born so they might actually have time to read it.

happy valentine's day

Cole's first Valentine's Day was spent sleeping, playing, eating, and pooping. It was a good day. We took a trip out to the stores to redeem some gift certificates and Cole got some new duds. I also got a couple of new shirts with no spit-up stains because I have a business meeting this Wednesday with a new client. It's my first meeting since Cole was born, and the status of my wardrobe is still questionable.

I squeezed into a pair of my pre-pregnancy jeans last weekend, so I'm definitely making progress. I'm actually below my pre-preg weight now, but because I'm...ahem...shaped differently...my old clothes still don't fit quite right. To paint an even prettier picture of myself, I confess, my hair is also falling out at an alarming rate. You'd think once the baby's born that would be the end of the freakish body changes....but you'd be wrong. I'm afraid the weight I've lost is all hair! Someday, I'll be cute again. In the meantime, I'm happy to hide behind my cute baby. Speaking of which, check out Cole's Valentine photo shoot.

Cole and the gang

On Monday Cole had his first ever play date. Elaine and Mark brought Nina over in the afternoon so the babies could exchange valentines and we could exchange stories. It was the first time we held each other's babies because every other time we met someone was sick or sleeping.

Nina is a little jumping bean! She is so much lighter and more delicate than Cole, but she is strong and bouncy. Her favorite game is jumping. She does deep knee bends while you hold her and then jumps, and the girl can get some serious air. I was amazed by her energy.

Mark and Elaine could hardly believe how big Cole was, but it was his smile that really charmed them. He liked them a lot too and Mark had him giggling up a storm. It was a great afternoon, and I hope we can meet up again soon.

anniversary

Today the bean blog is one year old. At this time last year, I was staring at 2 pink lines and I was so scared I was literally shaking. Now I stare at Cole in disbelief. How could a tiny spark grow into this big bubbly baby in only one year? Cole greets me with a smile each morning and it surprises me and warms my heart every time. There is recognition and love in that smile of his, that smile that takes up his whole face...pure joy.

I bought an angel recently. I've been shopping for one for a while now. I wanted it as a small, personal memorial of the first Bean. The one I chose has a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt engraved in it. It says, " You must do the thing you think you cannot do." For me, that thing was letting go of fear, embracing my pregnancy, and daring to love the life inside me.

So much has changed in a year. Today I'll be tagging along for Annie's OB appointment. One year ago, she was scared and frustrated as she finally addressed her fertility problems. She began her search for answers, and now she's 5 months pregnant. One year ago we cried together as she confided in me about her medical troubles and I shared the news of my pregnancy and all of my concerns. We've come a long way, and I can't think of better way of celebrating the blog's anniversary than to be by her side.

first laugh and other exciting news

Cole had his first official laugh yesterday. He's made laugh-like sounds before, but yesterday there was no doubt. The little guy is developing a sense of humor. Tony was holding him and was doing slow motion squats...it was like slow-motion bouncing, and after each squat Cole's smile got bigger and bigger...until he couldn't help himself, and he laughed out loud. It was beautiful, like music.

In other news, I've been asked to be Nina's godmother! I am incredibly honored and excited. The big day is March 6, and I can't wait.

Also, Cole's godparents, Glen and Annie, had their ultrasound on Friday and learned that they are expecting a baby boy. They were grinning ear-to-ear when they shared the news, and they were completely awestruck by their first view of their tiny son. Now the big name debate will be getting more serious, especially since they only had a girl's name picked out.

catching up

Cole had his 3 month check-up on 1/14, and all went well. He's now 2 ounces shy of 16 lbs(!), and 23 1/2 inches tall. The pediatrician remarked that he was a very happy and healthy boy, and that the only thing he could see that Cole was missing is....a neck. He then added that he looks like a snowman. His most popular nickname at the moment is Chubbster. In the side bar, I've added a link to his 3 month album.

We missed our first yoga class (1/16) because I thought I was getting sick, and the temperature was only in the teens. Last week we made it despite the frigid weather, and Cole and I really enjoyed it. There were 2 familiar faces from the prenatal yoga classes I had taken too and it was fun to reconnect and meet everyone's babies.

This past weekend, Cole met his great grandparents from NJ for the first time. There were a lot of Ooos and Aaahhhs from both sides of the crib rail. Gram joined Mema and Pop for the trip, and so we had 4 generations together. Cole was quite the charmer and Mema was amazed by his easy-going manner. She said we must be doing a great job to have such a happy baby.

So many mornings, I wake up to Cole's call for attention, and I'm exhausted. But when I see that mega watt, toothless smile of his, I've got more than enough juice to get me through the day.

yoga baby

This morning Cole and I took a sample postpartum yoga class. New moms and babies 6 weeks to 6 months can attend. The instructor is the same one who led the prenatal yoga classes I had taken. I knew I would enjoy the class, but I wasn't sure if Cole would, so I thought it would be best to take the sample class before making a committment.

The class size is kept small, and there were only 7 of us...well 14 counting babies who attended the sample session. It was so much fun and Cole seemed to think so too. I spread out a blanket at the front of the yoga mat and he cooed and played and sucked on his blanket. We only did a few poses, but the upper body stretches felt wonderful. The babies got some exercise too as we moved their arms and legs and they even got a foot massage.

The best part of the experience is the atmosphere. Cole was fascinated by the other babies and new faces, and everyone was really friendly. No one will mind if your baby starts to cry or fuss. You can stop in the middle of class to change a diaper or feed your baby. I had to change Cole twice and I just scooped him up and went over to the corner by the diaper bag, took care of business, and then got right back into the class. It's not nearly as intense a workout as the prenatal class, but it's perfect for me and for Cole right now.

The hipster

Today's adventure was a trip to Fairfax Hospital for an ultrasound of Cole's hip. After his very first checkup in October, the pediatrician sent us there for an X-ray to check for developmental hip dysplasia. The X-ray showed a normal hip joint, but the doctors have continued to check his hip carefully at his checkups ever since.

At his 2-month appointment, the doctor said she felt "roughness" in the joint and that his leg creases didn't match--2 possible indicators of dysplasia. She had some difficulty moving his legs though because he refused to relax his right leg for her. This time she wrote up an order for an ultrasound which she said is more accurate than an X-ray in diagnosing the condition. With all the flu excitement, I just got around to scheduling the ultrasound this week.

Cole was an angel throughout the test. He was perfectly content to roll over on his side, relaxed his hips and legs, and sucked away on his Nuk the entire time. The best part was the diagnosis---2 perfectly normal hips!

load of croc

Am I the only one who noticed that the Steve Irwin totally did not support the head of his one-month old son? I gotta say this disturbed me as much as the presence of the crocodile. Bob's head just dangled off to the side, and in the extended clip when the Croc Hunter made it look like Bob was running away, the baby's head flopped from side to side. Some of our friends and family have been too nervous to even hold Cole until his neck gets stronger...and he's almost 3 months old!

some more firsts

Yesterday, Cole discovered himself in the mirror for the first time. He was entranced by the baby in the mirror and it was so much fun to watch him admire himself.

Today, Cole destroyed his first outfit. We've had some leaks before, but this time his clothes were unsalvageable. I was about to take a shower when I heard Tony call for me. When I saw Cole at the changing table, I realized it would be easier to bathe him than to use up a box of baby wipes. So he got his bath before my shower, but it all worked out. The giraffe footie pajamas were the only casualty.

Cole also took a bottle for the first time today. I have been diligently using the breast pump to store up a supply for him in the freezer, but up until now he's refused to take a bottle. Today I had to make a trip to Springfield to buy a bridesmaid dress and with traffic I couldn't be sure that I could make it back in time for his next feeding. I set up a bottle for Tony to give him and brought my cell phone in case Tony needed me to come home right away. Cole devoured his bottle and was still hungry for more by the time I got home. I set up a second bottle, but he refused to take it until I left the room for about 20 minutes. It seems he'll only accept a bottle if I'm nowhere to be found, but that's okay since that's really the only time he'll absolutely have to take a bottle. I'm surprised how much I enjoy feeding him. Once we both learned our parts, it became a nice quiet time to spend together...but the bottle will give me back just a little bit of freedom and that's a good thing too.

First Christmas

Well, Cole's first Christmas was memorable, but not for the usual reasons. The morning of Christmas eve he woke with a fever, but it was difficult for me to tell at first since I had come down with the flu the Sunday before. When he started crying every time I moved him, I could see his joints were hurting him, so I had to break open the package on the rectal thermometer. It was not fun, but I knew he needed me to take care of him, and if that meant taking his temp, well, I had to get over it. Poor Cole who is usually such a happy little boy was just not himself. He was screaming crying and was barely consolable. The pediatrician had already closed when I called, so I left a page for the doctor on call who told me to take Cole to the ER. By this time, Cole had begun to calm down, but his sudden stillness made me even more nervous. I packed him up along with a diaper bag full of everything I could think of and we headed out.

Once at the hospital, Cole was seen right away. His temp was up to 102.2 and they gave him Tylenol for the fever. Tony met us there and then the waiting game began as we sat in shared room with an elderly couple from California. Worse than the waiting, was when they tried to put an IV hookup in Cole. It's difficult to find a vein on a baby, even harder on a pudgy baby. They poked and prodded his wrists, ankles and elbow creases as he screamed for at least a half hour. Unsuccessful, a second doctor came down later to try again, and finally found a vein on her last try...otherwise, I was told they were going to put the IV in his head! I held him as the tried to put in the IV, but if they had tried to put a needle in his head, they would've had to hold me down too! 6 hours after our arrival in the ER we learned Cole was being admitted, and then in another 2 hours we were given a room in the pediatrics wing.

The nurses on the floor were amazing and they had a huge impact on our stay and on Cole's recovery. I am so grateful to them. Cole had a tiny monitor attached to his toe to check his oxygen levels and his heartrate. The monitor had a small red light that reminded us of Rudolph while we watched it glow at night. Tony and I camped out in his room during his stay, staying cozy in a twin bed, but at least we were all together for Christmas.

When we came home on Friday, my mom came down to stay with us. While Cole was doing much better, I was still pretty sick with the flu because I hadn't gotten much rest during Cole's hospital stay. Mom cooked for us and helped to relieve Tony too so he wouldn't get too worn out. Nurse Kittenhead also made sure I had someone to snuggle with during my brief naps.

We're all fully recovered now, and we're looking forward to a healthier new year...and we'll definitely be getting flu shots next fall!