My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage about four months ago, although I didn't find out until almost a month after it happened. I went for my first ultrasound, and there was nothing there to see. It was a powerful moment. Shock took over, and I was spared any tears until I was almost home.

Yesterday, I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. It's a strange feeling. I should be elated, but the innocence of pregnancy is gone for me. I'm just scared now. I took a second test this morning to be sure. Once again, there were 2 pink lines. I've decided not to tell my husband until his birthday, 3/22. I don't want to get him too excited too soon. I need the confirmation of an ultrasound so that I may have the strength to say the news aloud.

We had decided we wanted to try again, but we weren't going to worry about fertile days and all that jazz this time. Ovulation charts made the initial trying...well trying. It was stressful and disappointing when Aunt Flo arrived each month. This time we were going to give up control, and let nature take its course. A miscarriage is a humbling experience. It teaches you that no matter how closely you follow the advice of experts and books, you really have no control over the outcome. If nothing else, it reinforces that life is a miracle.

I've got to call my doctor now and set up my first appointment...guess I'll have to share the news with someone...at the very least the appointment nurse.